Author: Kelly Caldwell

There are a few bits of common writing advice that writers, editors, and teachers like me say so frequently and with such certainty, they become canon. They aren’t suggestions so much as they’re laws.

We forget that if writers adhere to them too closely, they can do more harm than good.

I had to re-examine one of them recently after my former student Atash Yaghmaian visited my class to talk about her book My Name Means Fire, coming out from Beacon Press this October.

The aphorism we’re revisiting? “Kill your darlings.”

“Do you ever write something and then you’re like, “Oh, this is shit,” and then you rip it up?” Atash asked. “Please don’t do that.”

“Keep it. Just keep it. Because it’s a part of you who’s expressing yourself. Keep it.”

“Kill your darlings” isn’t exactly wrong—eventually, every writer has to cut chunks out of their stories. If we didn’t, every story would be 5,000 pages long.

The problem is that too many writers start cutting too soon. They delete paragraphs, pages, chapters before they know what their story is about.

In Atash’s case, she didn’t so much kill her darlings as she avoided writing them altogether.

“The first five drafts of this book were about this girl running away from Iran, from war, from the Revolution, and making it to America, and that’s my story, but that’s not my story,” Atash said.

It wasn’t her story, because it left out her internal life. It left out how she survived.

She survived by dissociating into a beautiful inner world, one that she called The House of Stone. It was a beautiful place. It was incredibly creative. And it saved her life.

And she still wrote around it. Through five drafts.

“I was terrified,” Atash said. “Even my [therapist] colleagues would talk about people who [dissociate] as though we are freaks. So, I hid it. When you would read my book, you would just read this happened, then that happened, and it was engaging, sure, because revolution is engaging. But people kept asking, ‘How did you survive?’”

Once Atash wrote the rest of the story, her interior story, not only did her book get better, but her writing changed.

“I let different parts of me come through the pages and say whatever they needed to say without me deleting them,” Atash said. “Writing taught me to be really accepting of all the different voices I have and the different ways I write. Writing was the gateway to understanding myself.”

Now, when Atash sits down to write, she holds nothing back in her first drafts. It’s “purge, purge, purge” into one huge document; later, she’ll open a new one to stitch together a new story, like a quilt.

“First drafts are all foundations,” she said. “Foundations are not pretty. But we build beautiful castles on them, beautiful books, articles, love notes, essays. We need a good strong foundation, so we all get to say what we need to say.”

The saying “Kill your darlings” is really about editing, about being brave enough to check your ego and do what your story needs you to do, to tell a story that’s true.

But you can’t delete your way to a great story. You have to build it.

Kelly Caldwell

Dean of Faculty

It’s graduation season, and you know what that means: For the next six weeks, high school and college campuses will be clogged with people stopping in inconvenient places, staring off into the middle distance, misty-eyed.

They’re only sort-of present in those moments—part of them is visiting the past. It’s involuntary, likely to happen when you return to a place where you did some of your most important growing up, (an alma mater, for example), or you find yourself gazing out on a sea of young people ending a big chapter of their lives and beginning a new one. These are moments almost guaranteed to clobber us with nostalgia.

Nostalgia, and the stories it inspires, get a bad reputation, because so often they don’t have much point to them. It’s your mom driving you around her hometown, pointing to a house that looks exactly like every other house, and saying “That’s where your grandma grew up.”

Lately, though, I’ve been thinking about how nostalgia is actually really useful to writers, because the magazine of my own alma mater asked me to write an advice story on how to turn your college memories into actual stories.

Basically, they paid me to indulge my own nostalgia while advising writers on how to make it matter.

Along the way, I learned some things about nostalgia that are downright fascinating:

• Humans are (as far as we know) the only species that can feel nostalgia for the future.
• Nostalgia is contagious — you can spread yours to people, even if they don’t share the memory.
• It cultivates empathy.
• It makes us likely to seek out connections to other people. We are even more likely to ask for help.

Most importantly for writers, when we sink into nostalgia, far from being a self-indulgent waste of time, we’re making meaning of our past.

And all of that—the warm fuzzies, the vivid details of memory, the empathy, the reaching out to old friends, the meaning—all of it can be used to create more vivid, more emotional, more meaningful stories.

“Nostalgia is a valid, honorable, ancient human emotion,” wrote the novelist Michael Chabon. “Most truly and most meaningfully, [it] is the emotional experience—always momentary, always fragile—of having what you lost or never had, … of sipping coffee in the storied cafés that are now hot-yoga studios.”

Most of the memories that flood us with nostalgia involve other people, according to researchers. Which means that when you explore why some memories carry you away while others don’t, you can better understand your relationships at the time, both to the people in your immediate orbit, as well as to humanity more widely.

Take this nostalgia-inflected story, “You Still Wouldn’t Trade It For Another Lap Around” by Abby Alten Schwartz. Graf after graf reads a lot like this one, memories of her childhood interwoven with the experiences of others her age.

At a party the summer after you graduated, you got high and turned to your friends and said, “Do you ever think about nuclear war?” and then you all busted out laughing and for years after that someone would bring it up and it still cracked you up in an embarrassing way. But really, the threat of being wiped out suddenly (or worse, surviving) was the biggest danger you faced next to strangers or hitchhiking or Ouija boards at slumber parties.

Alten Schwartz shares that moment with her friends at that graduation party, but the vulnerability in it, when she shared her fear, connects her memory and her story to many others in her generation, it makes the story more meaningful, because it’s no longer a “do-you-remember?” but a story of growing up under a shadow, and surviving.

OK, writers, your turn. I’ve put together an exercise for you to stir and hopefully harness your nostalgia. Don’t be afraid to indulge in it. Remember it not only gives you grist for stories, it can help make you a better person.

Kelly Caldwell

Dean of Faculty

“Beginnings, I think of them as like holograms. If you cut any piece of a hologram, it contains all the information of the whole. And so I think the beginning of a piece should also contain all the information of the whole.”

That was the author Nick Flynn, speaking to my Memoir 2 class recently about  Another Bullshit Night in Suck City. A student asked why he chose to open his book with a scene that some readers find off-putting:

(1989) Please, she whispers, how may I help you? The screen lights up with her voice. A room you enter, numbers you finger, heated, sterile almost. The phone beside her never rings, like a toy, like a prop. My father lifts the receiver in the night, speaks into it, asks Where’s the money? asks, Why can’t I sleep? asks, Who left me outside? The phone rings on a desk when he lifts it, the desk somewhere in Texas, someone is always supposed to be at that desk but no one ever is, not at night. A machine speaks while my father tries to speak, it doesn’t listen, it only speaks, my father’s face reflected dimly on the screen.

Suck City recounts what happened when Nick was working at a homeless shelter, and the father he’d only met once before in his life showed up as a client. His beginning does contain important pieces of the larger story — Nick’s father, his homelessness. It puts the reader into the nightly struggles of unhoused people, as it shows them trying to stay warm in an ATM vestibule. 

But also, Nick said, it was representative of the larger story because some readers would find it off-putting. 

“Yeah, there were sections I could’ve started with where you definitely would have had an easier time,” Nick said. “But then, I would have been selling you a false bill of goods because the rest of the book would confuse you anyway. So why not just confuse you right at the beginning so you know what you’re getting into?”

OK, he’s kidding there. But only kind of. Because the beginning is a bit disorienting, just like Nick’s father. 

“You’re getting introduced to his character, not from my point of view, but from his point of view. You’re in his life, in his mind.”

But the author is not wholly absent from that beginning. Because it challenges the reader, which is how Nick likes to write a story.

“There’s a difference between passive art and active art, and for literature, I think you want to be actively engaged. I really wanted the scene at the beginning to feel like the reader is now complicit. Anyone who’s been in a city has gone into an ATM, and there’s been a homeless person there. And what is your experience of that? I just wanted the reader to have that experience, be part of it, and to consider the other side of it while you’re in it.”

Each of these aspects, they really do sound like they could drive readers away right? But they didn’t.  When it came out, Another Bullshit Night in Suck City won a PEN Award, made the New York Times Bestsellers list for a hot minute, and has stayed in print for 20 years. In fact, Norton just released a new edition to mark the book’s 20^th anniversary. What some might call off-putting are actually the story’s strengths.

OK writers, your turn: Open your work in progress, and look at your beginning. Does it, like a hologram, contain the information of the whole? Does it engage the reader the way you will engage the reader for the entire story? Is it as daring as you are?

Kelly Caldwell

Dean of Faculty